Every day happiness

For someone with an extremist personality, creating a happy medium is often hard to come by.

Over the last few years, I’ve chased goals (and achieved them) due to the constant voice within me striving to approve.

At my smallest I weighed 8 stone 3lbs, a few lbs shy of the anorexic bracket for my height. Society told me this weight was an achievement, I had finally reached the ‘thin ideal’ despite the fact that the relationship I had with myself and food was far from ideal. The desperate need to be skinny had completely taken over my life, and it suddenly became a numbers game, weighing a certain weight, fitting into a certain jeans size, the amount of inches baggier my favourite shirt was…

Since when did we become so obsessed with numbers? The idea that a certain number dictates level of achievement, level of commitment, level of passion. The number of hours spent in the gym, or the number of minutes spent with loved ones is ignored. We forget the sacrifices made to chase that superficial dream.

10 reasons you're not losing weight

We are a nation that has grown to be pretty good at excuses. Stemming as early as childhood, with ‘the dog ate my homework’ one liners and now is just as frequent with people trying to get healthy. This is something I know first-hand, as I too, was once the queen of excuses. I often found myself creating a web of reasons why I wasn’t losing weight, and using them to justify why that bit of cake was definitely deserved. Here are my 10 reasons why you’re struggling to lose weight, and if you can relate to these, it’s probably time to stop moaning and start doing.

Who Am I?

Throughout my life I have found it very difficult to surround myself with a large group of women, and I am mostly comfortable within a very male dominated environment. This is largely due to the fact that I have found a lot of women I have come across to be catty and a large number of males to be honest and much straighter to the point.

Although I am proud to be a female and I have very strong female role models in my mother and grandmothers, I often find it hard to believe how presumptuous women can be. This is particularly something I have found since getting into fitness, which I hope never become. 

Perspire to Inspire

So I’m currently 18 weeks out from my first ever competition, a situation completely out of my comfort zone which is pretty much the reason I have put myself forward in the first place.

The fitness industry seems to be full of a lot of women who mask their unhealthy mind-set behind a couple of raunchy photoshoots and instagrammed pictures of oat porn.

It is probably not unrealistic to presume that a lot of girls who will be beside me on stage in September will not have had to have shifted the amount of weight I have. I am by no means saying that is there fault, but girls who have never had weight-gain issues will probably never know the struggle it takes to get comfortable in your own skin.

Everything in moderation.

Since turning the corner from fat to fit, five years ago, I have at times struggled with overwhelming moments of guilt when consuming what society tells us are ‘bad foods’.

Segregating a food or food group as forbidden, naturally enhances its desire. The forbidden fruit complex, or in this case, the forbidden flapjack.

This was always a detail of fad diets such as ‘slimming world’ which perplexed me the most. Labelling food as ‘syns’ only makes my overactive imagination imagine an avocado shaped devil doing a striptease…. and I won’t even go into their unlimited muller light policy!

Speaking from experience, I know the power that giving labels to foods can cause on your overall mental state, and often deprivation of certain foods leads to binging, guilt and over-excessive cardio ‘compensation.’

Like Attracts Like

Well, it's been a while since I found myself blogging and I guess I will take that as a good thing on this occasion, as I've been taking the time to work on my inner peace and discovering some things about myself and those around me.

I think its dreadfully important to take some time out to be alone, and often time alone is forgotten about as part of a day filled with work, social events and families. 

I am a strong believer that unless you can find enjoyment within your own company, you will struggle to attract those who will ultimately enhance your life. 

Ready to bloom.

I have been absent from the world of blogging for a little while now, whilst I started to restore some general order in what had become a very cluttered brain of mine.

I feel a little bit of a fraud to offer people advice when my own head isn’t completely settled, and it is often something I see: people dishing out bold statements when their own life doesn't mirror their preaching words.

So here it goes, a little bit about where I am currently at, where I am hoping to be, and all the niggling little thoughts in between.

Binge.

Since my weight-loss journey began, aside from adapting my body, it has also been paramount for me to adapt my relationship with food. 

I'm probably going to divulge into some areas many may be able to relate to here, whilst also getting a bit personally into my past - I must stress this is not for sympathy nor attention but merely my way of ensuring that some of those who may also feel/have felt like me are not alone. 

Focus on you.

Over the last month it would be an understatement to say my life has changed. I left a job that was draining my confidence and ambition and set out to change things within my life I wasn't happy about. 

I now find myself 130 miles away from home having moved away from Nottingham to set up a new life in Norwich, Norfolk. I have taken on a much more challenging yet rewarding role within marketing and journalism and have set my sights on growing my knowledge and pushing myself to achieve the best I can. 

Know your goal

This week, I've seen a lot of criticism and accusations of people 'over training' or 'doing too much.'
Whatever your goal, whether that be aesthetic or performance, it is important to take into account how much preparation it will take to achieve. Those who wish to step on stage will have to be much stricter than those who don't and those who aren't, may take a more relaxed approach. 

Bigger than your comfort zone.

My road to a healthier lifestyle has been a long and at times particularly difficult. Although I may have lost pounds and inches, I have also suffered the consequence of losing certain friends and becoming distant with those who don't quite understand the discipline that comes with training seriously. 

I find myself reflecting back on the first half of 2014 with so many mixed emotions. It began with loss of my grandfather and for a brief moment my world completely fell apart. I lost my sparkle and my days were filled with mentally blocking out feelings of grief and anger. I also had found myself trapped in an abusive relationship and a job that lacked challenge and therefore my passion for writing became stifled too. 

Never Give Up

Today I joined 4000 other women at Nottingham Victoria Embankment as part of Cancer Research's Race For Life 2014. 

I ran my first Race for Life in 2013, which was also my first ever race I had run. As an obese child, I had always convinced myself I was never going to be a 'runner', always came last in PE, and most of the time cried because I couldn't catch my breath. I longed to be able to run for a long for more than 2 minutes without collapsing in a heap from severe chest pains and a stitch. 

My first race was for the soul purpose of raising money for all those who had been touched by cancer, but also a large milestone in my journey so far. It allowed me to rewrite the thoughts I had placed inside my head which told me I would never be able to do it. 

Bodypower fever

It's that crazy time of year again - Body Power fever. A weekend of fitness loving people all under what was one sweaty sun-trapping roof.

I arrived on Saturday at Body Power as part of the JG Fitness Team. Recently I was asked to become an ambassador for a company who I believe will take the industry by storm.

Look at how far you've come!

Okay, so there you are, you've shed the pounds, fit into your dream dress, the number on the magical scales reads a lot more attractively than it once did, but are you happy? of course not.

The problem with the human mind is many are never satisfied. You've smashed your initial goal and then some but still you're left with hang-ups and dissatisfaction with your reflection in the mirror. 

I think most believe weight loss is the hardest part to the journey, but I can say from experience and from the vibes I get from others in a similar position that maintenance is ten times harder than the initial loss. 

Why I'll never compete...

"Why do you diet and train if you aren't competing."

If I had a pound for every person that said this to me lately, I'd have enough money to buy myself a protective shield to defend against the morons who question my motivation.

I have always stood by the fact that I admire those who compete. The sheer guts it takes to step on to that stage and be judged so critically is something that most of us will never have. I am lucky to have some of the most passionate friends in the industry who do compete and I will support them always. Despite admiring those who take the competition plunge, it is something that will never appeal to me.

Self-doubt.

The English language has always fascinated me. The ability to transfer all the thoughts in our head that are swimming around at one hundred miles per hour, carelessly bashing into one and other, into some sort of order and restrain can often be the cure to many people's downward spiral. Often seeking comfort in knowing that you are not alone in these dark thoughts, because someone else out there has taken the time to write them down and let you know it's okay to doubt yourself, it is normal to not feel happy all of the time, and it's okay to want to change. 

People have often said to me over the last few years 'you've changed' and yes I have. I've changed because where I was a few years ago wasn't where I wanted to be. I've changed because I've grown, priorities have altered and a desire to better myself has emerged from within, where it was often overshadowed by crippling self-doubt and low self esteem. 

Mind Management

Our aesthetic make up can often fool others into thinking they know exactly who we are. 

Those ignorant to the time and effort it takes to change your body, often mistake it for arrogance and vanity and although some may craft amazing bodies, their mind, passion and drive can often go unnoticed in the process. 

I find it fascinating that although I have transformed my body over the last few years, some major insecurities, fears and stresses still remain. The kind of worries that often go unnoticed behind a good tight fitting dress and coat of lipstick. 

reaching past the fads.

 

Walking into the kitchen at my parent's house, I was faced with typical sights: a little bag of funsized milky-ways which promise to be 'less than 80 calories and 45% less fat" and now the new addition of 'Low fat, special K, granola'.
 
We are currently in a sedately society, in which many people suffer with health problems due to weight. We are also surrounded by 'miracle products,' which promise all the satisfaction, without the guilt, or all the hard work, with minimal effort.
 

Inner strength.

I've often been known to stress the importance of maintaining a healthy mind-set as well as a healthy body. This is been particularly important to me recently when my courage and positivity has been put to the test.

To those who do not train regularly, the idea that you can spend every day doing exercise is often seen as completely alien. 'What do you do for fun though?' is often asked when I talk about my working, training routine.

For me, the gym is my release, it is my fun, my playground. This is been a particularly amazing tool lately when going through some tough family times and knowing I could escape the worries of the world for an hour or two.

How healthy is healthy?

This post is about exposing some harsh truths, and the reality of obsessive behaviour.

So, you've made the healthy change. You've lost weight and are feeling amazing, your clothes are loose, your energy is up, and your mind is focused, but think carefully, when was the last time you laughed? When was the last time you took the time to see your friends, or spend some quality time with a loved one? When was the last time you did an activity that wasn't meal prepping, exercising or health related?