So I’m currently 18 weeks out from my first ever competition, a situation completely out of my comfort zone which is pretty much the reason I have put myself forward in the first place.
The fitness industry seems to be full of a lot of women who mask their unhealthy mind-set behind a couple of raunchy photoshoots and instagrammed pictures of oat porn.
It is probably not unrealistic to presume that a lot of girls who will be beside me on stage in September will not have had to have shifted the amount of weight I have. I am by no means saying that is there fault, but girls who have never had weight-gain issues will probably never know the struggle it takes to get comfortable in your own skin.
I’m competing because I like to challenge myself, but I’m also competing because I like to show that nothing is impossible. When I began my weight loss journey I would have given anything to find a girl like myself who has shown that a big weight loss is achievable. Instead, I spent too much time comparing myself to women in the industry that had lived a very slender life.
I want to represent the unreachable - of course goals aren’t going to be hit straight away, but it doesn’t mean you won’t get there with sheer perseverance. My weight loss wasn’t overnight, it took years of learning how to eat and train properly, and mould my mind-set into a productive and not self-destructive one. I am on the most incredible journey, learning more about myself each and every day and that doesn’t mean it’s easy, but what it does mean, is that every day I push beyond my comfort zone, I have successfully taken a step in the right direction towards the future I deserve.
Competing isn’t for everyone. I completely understand this, and I myself once believed the same. Even though I suggested this was because I didn’t NEED to be judged, if I am being completely honest with myself it was more the fear of not being READY to be judged.
Despite the fact I am no longer a size 18, I still have body hang ups like every woman I know, and I probably always will. It is part of being human to be dissatisfied, but the desire to improve drives me each and every day to wake up and grab life by the metaphorical balls.
The true test won’t be the diet, or the training, or any areas of discipline, the true test for me will be having the confidence to step on stage with a lot of beautiful women and not feel out of place. For me this feeling will be worth more than a trophy would ever be (although I wouldn’t say no to a top spot!) – it will be my way of showing women out there who believe it CAN’T be done, that it can, and it will, with the right amount of effort.
It isn’t about being ‘judged’ or ‘showing off’ for me it’s about hopefully showing that the ugly duckling has finally become a swan.