Strength.

We all have parts of our body we aren't happy with, and for some that can be quite a few. When I reached the point of no longer wanting to be 'skinny' but to achieve an overall healthy and stronger physique, it became less about shrinking certain areas and more about learning to understand how my body adapted to training and nutrition manipulation. 

Although many measure strength in numbers, I believe this whole process is a lot more than that. It's having the strength to get yourself to the gym in the first place when it would be easy to stroll on past, or having the strength to wake up earlier than most when the dark mornings make us want nothing more than those few extra moments in bed. 

It's also having the strength to do things which most people will never be able to understand, and to forever be dissatisfied with having 'just enough'. 

Lately I've been focusing on a lot of time under tension work, and concentrating on mind to muscle connection over hitting those big numbers. Of course I want to hit target figures, but for now I am content with really feeling the tension in each rep and the the results have been positive and exciting. 

The concept of 'cheat meals' has always been a slight grey area to me. As someone who has suffered with an eating disorder in the past, the very idea of overindulging triggers unnerving emotions and hidden demons. After a week of on-point nutrition and some of the most intense yet rewarding training sessions I have had in a long time, I was ordered by my coach to have a cheat meal. 

Plastered allover social media, I often see people gorging on pizzas, ice cream, sweets and cake. Now don't get me wrong I am partial to a bit of everything in moderation but psychologically I cannot bring myself to endlessly binge, no matter how much I probably need to. Instead I opted for a large rump steak and a tray of roasted vegetables and sweet potato in coconut oil. Although to many who follow IIFYM this may seem a poor cheat meal but as I currently don't have red meat in my plan it made a nice change to my daily routine. Not only that, but the freedom of not weighing out my food was definitely a treat in itself. 

Aside from the strength and motivation needed to succeed in training, I am also finding the strength to adapt to changes in life, work and love. At 5 ft 4, I may not look particularly strong, and people often assume I rarely let things bother me. To some extent they would be right, and I have definitely mastered the art of planting on a smile and getting on with things, but often on the journey of self-discovery you can feel completely overwhelmed by the uncertainties of what lies ahead. 

I guess you could say I like routine, and I am one of those people whose lists have lists. When something changes it sends me completely off balance, but slowly I am adapting to changes in training and in life, and hopefully becoming a stronger and better person because of it. 

The people we meet along the way, help us to become the person we are today. Every dig and jibe provides the perfect motivation, and every smile and warm wish gives you that little extra bit of hope. There are so many people who have changed my life who may not even know it, those little changes you have to make someone smile, take them, you never know just how much they might need it. 

I've made mistakes, I have so much to learn but most importantly, I have so much left to give, and will keep fighting until I get there. I over analyse pretty much everything and often need to learn to think before I speak, but all these little moments of self improvement and acknowledgement of failings, are helping me to become a better person, and helping to build myself a better body, mind and future.