Focus on you.

Over the last month it would be an understatement to say my life has changed. I left a job that was draining my confidence and ambition and set out to change things within my life I wasn't happy about. 

I now find myself 130 miles away from home having moved away from Nottingham to set up a new life in Norwich, Norfolk. I have taken on a much more challenging yet rewarding role within marketing and journalism and have set my sights on growing my knowledge and pushing myself to achieve the best I can. 

Truth is, I am not a settler and will never be happy with a mediocre life. For me it isn't about a job that gets you the most money, or a body that will be the envy of all your friends - it's about finding a pathway which means you don't dread going to work every day, or training hard so you feel confident in that tight dress that's been hiding in the cupboard for a 'good arm day'. 

For years I became complacent with being the 'funny, fat one' of the group. Unlike a lot of girls, when I was in my late teens I never did the 'girls holiday' thing and very rarely went out into the city in a big group of competitive females.

 

I come from a largely male dominated family and my home circle of friends is 95% boys. I find boys to be a lot easier to get on with and have often struggled to find a group of girls in which I can trust and confide in. It was this lack of female competitiveness within me which meant I did not feel the need to watch my waistline as a teenager and would happily sit and gorge on takeaways with the lads. 

I can't tell you exactly the point in which things changed for me, all I do know is I started to become fed up with constantly being overlooked and wished people looked past my size and realised exactly what I had to offer. 

Fitness has given me the confidence to walk into a heavily female environment and not instinctively hide in the corner. I have however found that a lot of girls tend to presume I have never had weight issues and so when they see what looks to them as though I am 'dieting' I am often met with grumbles and looks of annoyance. There have also been times which I wish I could walk around with a picture of how I used to look and make people see I am on a journey of self-discovery and to ensure they don't always judge me on what they presume I will be like. 

This is especially something I find in the gym. Typically I train by myself and I am often met with dirty looks from groups of girls doing cardio. We are a judgemental society and often females seem to make their minds up about other females on first glance. This sometimes leaves people mistaking my look of determination when I train as arrogance. 

I am constantly thriving for improvement both within my body and in my life. It is this unsatisfied desire which means I will get up early and get things done and know at night when I'm lying in bed that I have done everything I can that day to improve my life. 

Just like taking a chance by walking into a gym at 15 stone, I have taken the chance to move far away from my family and friends and pursue a life I believe ultimately will be better for the long-term. I project this attitude into my fitness goals and I am working hard to ensure I'm moving forwards not backwards. 

It has been a particularly strange one on social media this week, with a lot of bitching and cattiness between girls. Just like the girls in the gym who judge you for your training, or for the people at work that judge you for your Tupperware, girls on social media seem to judge each other based upon 140 characters and the odd selfie. 

I guess I have come to realise that unless everyone wears their story on the outside, you will never know what a person has had to do to achieve what they have. Walking round the streets of Norwich I may look like a typical office worker, but deep down I am a determined, passionate little lady and whilst many watch the minutes tick on by, I'm working on making every single one count.