Love, Laugh & Lift

"You must be so proud"....

The last few years especially, I've had a lot of people say to me that I must be so proud of what I've achieved but I'm really not sure proud is the right word.

I am proud of the fact that I have managed to turn my health around, but looking at the bigger picture it is difficult to be proud of the self-destructive state I was once in.

For me, food was a comfort. A clutch for any emotion. I ate when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was bored and when I was lonely. Without knowing, I had completely let it take over my life and I was spiraling into obesity at 100 mph.

Part of the problem I faced was gaining perspective on the damage I had done to my body. I avoided photographs from the neck down, and surrounded myself in a very male dominated friendship group, where the need to competitively dress in skimpy clothes just wasn't there. I had quickly become one of the lads to the point where my muffin top could rival the beer bellies of many middle-aged men! 

Even though I finally took hold of my life and started to make healthy changes, the changes themselves haven't been easy. I've tried every fad diet you can think of in a desperate attempt to shift the pounds as quickly as possible. I also went through a spout of bulimia which I am proud to say I have completely recovered from. 

During my binge-eating and bulimic stage, the problem was no mindless indulgence like in my teenage years, but it became about excessively monitoring everything I put into my body, to the point that any normal human slip-ups caused me to punish myself. 

Lying on the bathroom floor, throat burning from stomach acid and eyes stinging from crying, I knew that although to look at I was healthier, my mind was not. 

It's overcoming situations like this over the last few years that have made me completely change my perspective on health, nutrition and happiness. I no longer feel the need to be 'skinny' and although I may look in the mirror and not be completely happy with what I see, I am happy, I am healthy and my body is in the best shape it has ever been. 

I no longer punish myself if I want a treat because I work hard to deserve it. It's about finding that healthy balance. Life is for living and it's the realisation of this that makes me proud, not my weight loss.